My Dai pt1
by shaphat
Summary: Jaehee feels lost without Dai, so he decides to go look for him. Written from Jaehee's POV. Read this fic only if you've finished reading the manhwa *spoilers* There will be 2 parts to this story. This is part one.


**About:** Well, this is my first and only "let dai" fic and I must say it's the corniest thing I've ever written, but if you've read the manhwa you'll know why I had to write it like this and why I had to write it(lol) Anyway! if you haven't finished reading the manhwa I suggest you go back and finish it before reading this fic. This fic is written as if it was a continuation of the story just after the ending of it, so you'll get spoiled and you may not understand it so well. Also, this is written from Jaehee's POV.

My name is Jaehee, I'm a college student from Korea. I'm currently taking a break from my studies in order to look for my most important person, and so I've come to America. I'm writing this while traveling because I'm afraid that my memories will become blurry as time goes by or maybe I just miss him too much…

The reason I'm in this much pain is the guy that I love. Actually I used to be a straight normal guy and my life was uneventful but pleasant. It was when I met Dai that things changed a lot in my life, in my mind and in my heart he caused a total revolution. I changed into this carcass of a human being that only exists for his sake. Even now I wonder what was it that caused this painful love to exist, though surely it must have being fate. Love, Happiness, Grief, pain, fear, despair, longing, I never truly understood the meaning of those words until I fell in love with Dai.

Dai is violent (very), impulsive, and incredibly selfish. And yet, I can't imagine loving anyone as much as I love him. Dai is a very complex person, though he can be very cruel there is also a captivating innocence in him and an irresistible charm that stole my heart. I can't even love myself as much as I love Dai. Or rather I consider Dai and myself to be two parts of a whole, I belong with Dai and Dai belongs with me. This is why the current situation is so unnatural, for us to be separated like this. It's been several years already, since the time we were high school students and he suddenly left, leaving no explanation behind, I was devastated.

It was only recently that I received information of his current whereabouts. A friend of Dai's came to see me; he came to Korea, to our secret place that reminds me of Dai so much. I knew he must be a very close friend of Dai's for him to know of such a place. Though his face was covered he reminded me of Dai, so much in fact that for a moment I was certain it was Dai himself that had come to see me. But he refused to show me his face, maybe it wasn't Dai after all. I feel Dai wouldn't have been able to restrain himself. Anyway! That mysterious guy told me that Dai was in America, and that there was a secret message Dai had left for me (under a chair from the airport of all places!). I was surprised that the message had remained safely hidden for so many years, waiting for me to find it. Seeing the words Dai had written dispelled my fears that he may have given up on me. I made up my mind and now here I am, huge idiot that I am, looking for Dai all over the United States. But no matter what I won't give up. I will find him.

While traveling I've found some clues regarding Dai and his life ever since he arrived in America. He actually went to college, which was surprising considering Dai's wild personality, he never seemed to care much about his studies back in high school but he suddenly dropped out, and no one seemed to know where he went. I hit a wall and was depressed. Somehow I now think Dai went to college for a while just in order to drop out and upset his Dad, but maybe I'm over thinking things, Dai is a just a very unpredictable person.

I'm not certain what I should do now. There is a student that said Dai had frequently mentioned how much he loved the ocean. It was a weak lead, but I thought that even if it's but a slight possibility I have to follow it. I can't just remain waiting forever for a reliable clue to magically appear. And my longing for Dai is so much I can't think of anything else.

After much beach going, I'm now becoming tanned, my skin now looks similar to Dai's. Somehow it reminds me so much of him. The touch of his skin, the way he looked, I'm afraid of forgetting it. How many beaches have I visited now? I've lost count. Not a clue has appeared yet, so I keep looking. For a moment I was tempted to just surrender myself to the merciless waves, just like in the tale of the mermaid that was abandoned. To become foam and maybe one day be able to caress Dai's skin in some distant beach. But I can't do that, not yet anyway. Dai asked me to look for him, to bring him where I am. I can't give up yet. In those places sometimes I feel so close to Dai, I think, what if Dai walked through here, did he saw what I'm seeing right now? Did he think of me like I'm thinking of him now? Where are you Dai? I'm going crazy without you.

It was during winter that I finally found a more reliable clue. It was snowing heavily and I had run out of Gas, so I had to stop at a small town. There was one tiny gas stop store, the sort that only has one gas tank and a candy shop of sorts. I entered the shop and met a very nice old lady that offered to let me stay for a while in the shop's second floor until the snow becomes more manageable. I was already too tired to drive any further at that time so I accepted the good woman's offer. She lived in a back room behind the shop, and so I had dinner with her. We talked about many things and then she said that my tanned skin made her remember another young man that had once passed through her store in similar circumstances. He'd had problems with his motorcycle and had to stop on the town for a while. She said that he was a pleasant young man, but very intense. From her description of him I knew at once that it must be Dai. After this breakthrough I spent quite some time in the town, asking about Dai. Many of the town's people had something they remembered about Dai, he i_s_ the sort that makes a lasting impression, regardless of whether it is a good one or a bad one. Knowing that Dai had been here made me feel a bit closer to him. How Dai had sat on that table, how he'd stayed in that inn, or how he'd picked up a fight with the sheriff's son. He'd been there and I almost felt reluctant to leave the place, except for the fact that he was no longer there and I felt compelled to look for him. I went from that town to the next and the owner of the gas stop told me Dai had been there just briefly, he may have not remembered Dai at all, except that he thought his bike was really cool looking.

I went on to several such towns. Until I found another town where Dai had been a lot of time, there wasn't anything outstanding about the town itself, except that it was close to the ocean, it was a small fishing town and he'd stayed there for quite a while, helping out with small odd jobs and spending lots of time in the beach. It was there that I thought I saw a familiar figure. It was only in passing that I saw him, walking out from a small cabin that was home to the local doctor and into his car.

I was very surprised so I couldn't go talk to him. It was the man I had met in the cabin back in Korea, the one that said he had met Dai and had come to like him, the one that had said he envied me. Even now he wore a facemask and was wrapped up in many layers of clothes. Now though I thought this isn't so surprising, considering how bad the winter can get in this area. Someone that has a weak health would have to be careful.

Even so I was anxious; because back then I had thought that he was Dai in disguise for sure. What if I was mistaken, what if he was actually Dai? Had he perhaps disguised himself in order to make me go look for him? It was a very farfetched situation but I realized that I was actually clinging to this small brittle hope. I'm tired, I'm so tired. I just want to be with Dai, why is it that our Love has to be so utterly painful?

I felt shaken by the notion that my search might actually be at an end. But I was also scared that I may be mistaken and my little hope will be shattered. I don't know how much more of this I can take, how many more disappointments. Rather than confronting him directly I asked around town about the sickly young man.

I was disappointed, they said the man was born and raised in the town. He travels a lot despite his poor health and only comes back to town during winter, which is crazy considering how sick he is.

Being confronted by this painful reality I decided I would meet with the man again, I felt there was some crucial information about Dai that he had withheld last time, something that I must know in order to get closer to Dai. Sensing this I waited for him outside the local clinic, just as he'd come out of his regular checkup.

He was utterly surprised, he did not wished to meet with me again, perhaps he feared I had realized he yet retained a secret that I was determined to know. Grudgingly he accepted my forceful invitation to the inn I'm staying at. All the way until there he remained quiet. I felt on edge so I asked him about his health. At first I thought he wouldn't answer, but at last he spoke. He said it was a result of not taking good care of his health, most of it came from smoking, though he was trying to quit, but it wasn't easy. At the Inn, I received a minor surprise, it turns out this inn is owned by some relatives of this guy, apparently he met with Dai at a time he had come to visit his relatives, he hadn't intended to stay the winter but in the end he remained through it so he could continue to speak with Dai, he said the snow reminds him of Dai, so he keeps coming at this season, even though it can be harmful to his health. There is something else he didn't say, but I could sense as clear as if he has said it himself. This is a penance he is doing, but why?

Then, not being able to hide my anxiety any longer, I told him that I knew there was something he didn't tell me last time about Dai and that he should tell me. He wasn't surprised, but seemed troubled and reluctant to speak about it. I knew it couldn't be good, but I had to know. And then, finally he began to tell me about it.

Near to this small town there is a larger and more urban-like port city. That guy and Dai used to go there on their bikes for a drink or just for the sake of the ride,. It was during those times they were drinking that he came to know about me from Dai, he said Dai always seem to shine the brightest then, that it was wonderful but painful for him to see Dai with such a look in his face, and to know that his feelings were reserved for someone else. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, he said. That even then he knew he could never replace me in Dai's heart. Finally he removed his face mask and his cap and then…


End file.
